Katy: Hello girlfriend, I miss you!
Kesha: Where are you right now?
Katy: I'm in Australia, mate! Actually, it blows. This whole trip has sucked balls. All I want is to go home, crawl under the covers with my body pillow, and cry till my eye sockets turn inside out!
Kesha: Katy, you gotta get me outta here! My mom is driving me crazy. I thought it was a good idea for her to come to rehab, but I was so wrong! SO wrong!
Katy: Stick it out and just focus on yourself. Remember that yoga position I showed you at Coachella a couple years ago? That's a good one for internal contemplation. John and I used to do it together as part of our tantric thing... (bursts into tears).
Kesha: Oh no, what happened? Why are you crying?
Katy: I broke up with John, for good this time. I realized that I was in a panic about going on tour and leaving him alone, I didn't trust him not to cheat on me! I will never be able to trust him and I'm afraid I'll never be able to find a guy I can trust!
Kesha: Not all guys are like John and Russell, Katy!
Katy: I hope not. For now I don't even want to think about love or sex or guys. I have to get serious about work. I've been getting effed-up every night and then binge-eating like crazy while I'm blacked out! Krispy Kreme, Ben & Jerry's, sushi off naked guys, Domino's!
Kesha: Shut! Up!
Katy: This morning I woke up and had caramel corn stuck in my hair.
Kesha: Shut up! Don't talk about food! I hate food!
Katy: So do I! I can't fit into any of my clothes and I had to wear a big coat on Australian TV!
Kesha: Why does life have to be like this?! I just want to be myself and sing my songs the way I hear them in my head.
Katy: Don't worry, one day we'll be the ones in charge.
Kesha: You always know how to make me feel better.
Katy: I'll always be here for you.
Kesha and Katy (in unison): We'll get through this!
This is a work of pure fiction, all content has been fabricated by the imagination of Edy O. Syncratic.
Ohmygod.
ReplyDeleteEdy. You are killing it.