However, the Miami police have finally afforded us a chance to see the permanent results of some of Bieber's poor decision-making, indelibly etched onto his skin. Let's take a gander, shall we?
Photos: Reuters
First we have a pic of him in his little street racer outfit.
This kid is really rocking the Dorf look, what a style icon!
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Here is where he professes his medieval-style "LOVE" or "ZOUF" for an alien in a jester hat. From the looks of these tats, Biebs is getting his tweener-age fangirls drunk on sizzurp them making them give him tattoos in exchange for 7 Minutes In Heaven.
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Here's poor Jesus, rolling his eyes in exasperation upon finding himself in yet another predicament, and seeing only Canadian ass for miles.
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Here Justin has memorialized the spot where Usher first gently kissed him while saying, "I'ma make you my little star."
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Fortunately I remember some of my schoolin', so I can translate this: 1975, presumably the year. I'm sure there's thousands of teenage girls who know the particular significance of this year to Justin, either by reading Tiger Beat or through some sort of Millennial Generation collective unconscious mind-meld. Me, I'm going to have to take a shot in the dark. Let's see... a quick Google search of notable events in 1975 has yielded some possibilities:
-The first episode of "Saturday Night Live" aired October 11, 1975.
-Teamsters president Jimmy Hoffa was reported missing in Detroit July 30, 1975.
[Edy's note: Although I was living in Detroit during the summer of '75, I have an iron-clad alibi and am in no way connected to Mr. Hoffa's disappearance.]
-Volkswagen introduced the Golf in the US and Canada as the Rabbit in January of 1975.
-The "Thrilla in Manila" took place on October 1, 1975.
-The TV series "Kung Fu" aired its final episode in April of 1975. [I'm betting on this one.]
-Thanks, Wikipedia
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WTF?? Please explain to me how a stoner white kid that tosses eggs at his neighbor's mansion and speeds around his neighborhood in his ridiculous hot rod with the crotch of his pants around his knees has ANY connection to a proud Indian brave! I will give Bieber the benefit of the doubt and assume this image symbolizes for him the type of integrity to which he aspires, because the kid is a million miles away from it at this point. Keep Bieliebing in yourself, though!
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Your guess here is as good as mine. Maybe a genie's lamp?
I know, when he's in the closet with his tweener fangirls, (at about the 4th minute of 7 in heaven), he probably pulls down his waistband, flashes this fine tattoo and says, "Rub the genie's lamp and you'll get your wish.... No, rub a little lower... Lower... More to the right... Lower, and... that's it! Keep rubbing. Oh yeah... That was your wish, right?!"
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On his bicep there's a tiger that is either missing an eye or is blind like blind master Po in "Kung Fu." See? Another "Kung Fu" reference! Below the tiger appears a disembodied eye. Is that supposed to be the tiger's missing eye? I'm getting confused!
If I thought Justin was smart enough to solve rebus puzzles, I would say that the word "Believe" under the disembodied, maybe-tiger's eye means "I Believe," but that's probably giving him far too much credit. Let's call it a happy accident.
I really can't make out the image under that, maybe a depiction of one of The Canterbury Tales? Oh, I give up! It is not for me to understand the journey upon which Justin Bieber is taking his skin. All I can do is mock it in the best way I know how.
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And thus concludes our tour of Justin Bieber's tattoos, and my debut blog post! I am truly proud. First I'd like to thank the Miami-Dade county police department for giving me the inspirational images I needed to finally get off my proverbial duff and start blogging. And to you, readers: buckle up, this ride is just beginning! And I ain't talking about Space Mountain (which first opened at Walt Disney World in 1975)!!
Love,
Edy
DORF!
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